Mastering Emotional Intelligence

Alana Muller:
Welcome to Enterprise.ing, a podcast from Enterprise Bank & Trust that's empowering business leaders one conversation at a time. We'll hear from different business leaders about how they've found success in cultivating their professional networks and keeping them healthy and strong. I'm your host, Alana Muller, an entrepreneurial executive leader whose primary focus is to connect, inspire, and empower community. We at Enterprise Bank & Trust thank you for tuning in to another episode.

Hello listeners, welcome back to Enterprise.ing Podcast. Get ready to amplify your emotional intelligence today with our guest, Dr. Jenny Woo, a Harvard trained educator, EQ researcher and founder, and CEO of Mind Brain Emotion, a company she incubated out of Harvard Innovation Labs.

Jenny Woo, welcome to Enterprise.ing Podcast.

Dr. Jenny Woo:
Thanks so much for having me.

Alana Muller:
I'm delighted to have you here. Let's start by hearing a little bit about your company, Mind Brain Emotion, and the award-winning card games and mental health tools that you've created to help children and adults build emotional intelligence and communication skills.

Dr. Jenny Woo:
Sure, yeah. So the company is a skill building company that creates card games, tools and courses to help our little ones, kids from age five all the way to those seasoned leaders and those in twilight years to really understand how to feel happier, stronger, calmer, and wiser in life. So improving the quality of life personally, but also professionally. And this really stemmed from my experience in working with people all ages, stages, and walks of life across various industries. And it was a common theme I noticed that we really need these human skills and you can imagine this day and age, pandemic-scarred, social media-saturated, and very much AI-driven. Who are we anymore? What makes us human? So it's those incredible human skills that we all need.

Alana Muller:
I just love that. I mean, when I was learning more about your work and noticing that you're working with people from preschool age to MBA candidates to corporate executives and beyond, I suspect that you've seen sort of a combination of similarities and differences. What have you observed when it comes to engaging people from an emotional intelligence perspective, especially people of different ages and stages in life?

Dr. Jenny Woo:
Yeah, definitely. I would say the number one skill is really active listening and leaving our assumptions at the door. And when you put those two together, we're having a conversation or I'm trying to understand, whether it is a toddler or someone in the boardroom, to really use all of your social cues, your observation skills, to listen with your eyes, with your ears, and looking at those facial expressions and gestures. And of course, you can imagine cross-cultural, gender, all those nuances. And that requires us to take perspectives purely through the lens of other people, even their upbringing, their experiences, instead of our own lens of assumptions and biases.

Alana Muller:
It makes good sense. I mean, it makes me wonder how people, I don't know, learn to decipher those differences or those bits of background and experiences. Is there something in particular, for example, that you think that an older generation and an older set can learn from our little ones?

Dr. Jenny Woo:
Yeah, that's a great question. Well, first of all, our little ones are untainted, right? I feel like at our age we have so much to unlearn just as much as to learn. But just uninhibited little ones, they are so curious. They want to know what's going on. They are incredibly imaginative. So I feel like those two skills, even attributes, we could really sort of harness as adults to just get curious, not necessarily asking the hundreds of why questions, keep it to yourself. But really to ask, why is this person perhaps angry right now? What might be happening around his life that is causing him or her to behave in such a way and talk in a way that maybe you're not comfortable with? So, it's creating that empathy from the stem of curiosity and asking the why and really understanding someone.

Alana Muller:
Well, and I just love how you said it, they're untainted, right? They haven't been sort of marred or scarred from our standard social cues, social norms. They just want to know why. So I love that. And I do think that if we could get better about asking those questions in an honest and authentic way, that it would be beneficial for everybody, right?

Dr. Jenny Woo:
Absolutely. Especially this day and age. And so that's something that really, I discover that it doesn't come naturally, right? Having a conversation, asking these essential questions are not quite something that I would say, because we're so busy and we are multitasking a thousand miles an hour, it's really, really hard in the moment to observe. And so that's why it's incredibly important to be intentional, deliberate, and working on these skills.

Alana Muller:
Yes, makes perfect sense. One of my personal areas of interest and focus is helping people to build better, more meaningful professional relationships. When you think about that from your professional vantage point, just how important is relationship building? What do you teach your clientele and how do you personally seek to cultivate authentic relationships?

Dr. Jenny Woo:
Relationship is so incredibly important, and I know we're talking about professionally, but even personally for our well-being and longevity. There are studies after studies and the longest running Harvard study and really understanding what makes someone happy, live longer and have better quality of life and that is relationships, the quality of relationships. And so this is something I really emphasize, and these days we tend to think relationship as in number of LinkedIn networks we have, but those are very much weak ties. So it's really focusing on, like you said, being authentic, even showing vulnerability to really connect deeply at a level so that you can really get to know someone.

Alana Muller:
Oh, I just love that, and I love that you referenced the Harvard study and the idea that so many of our challenges and our problems in society really stem from loneliness and the lack of relationships is so important, and that we really do seek to surround ourselves with others, not only to not feel lonely, but so that we can enhance and enrich our lives and their lives as well. So, that's so great. Speaking of relationships, I often think of my family as being my most important relationships. I know so many people do, and you talk a lot about your family and your work, which I have just enjoyed. You talk a lot about your three children, two of whom are twins I know, and how different each member of your family is despite living together, coming from the same background, et cetera, et cetera.

So with that in mind, and understanding how different every person is, every human, can you offer some advice for professionals trying to connect more effectively with their colleagues, clients, and prospects?

Dr. Jenny Woo:
Absolutely, yes. And it's like a natural experiment in my household, having these twins. But yet nature versus nurture, and I have to report, they're both equally important, and I have very different twins and kids in general. With that in mind, at the very deepest level, we all want to feel loved. We all want to feel that we're seen, heard and that we're important to the person we're talking to, we're valued. So, regardless of what age, stage, professional roles you are, we all want to feel like we matter, that we belong, and that sense of purpose.

And I would say that is the number one thing I coach leaders, especially those who are going from individual contributors to people managers, that they need to understand that your role here is not just to get the work done. It's rather inspiring others to help them feel like they matter in the work that they are getting done for your organization. And it's then, can we really talk about the constructive feedbacks of how you can get better? But before you even get there, you really have to make that deeper connection of “I value you, I'm here for you, and I'm listening to you, and I support you.” That's the number one thing.

Alana Muller:
So fabulous. My friend Dr. Michelle Robin, she has this expression, she says, people are wearing a big sign on their forehead, it's invisible but it's there and it says, “Make me feel important.” And I love how you characterize that, that people want to feel loved, they want to feel special, they want to feel heard, all of those important things. And that is sort of the key factor when it comes to colleagues, clients, prospects, all of those things. If we can just do that one thing, we stand such a better chance of building that connection and making the experience richer.

Dr. Jenny Woo:
Yes. I think we all hold insecurities in terms of feeling like invisible or irrelevant. As business leaders especially, I feel like the higher up you go, that you're pressured to feel this momentum to continue to be visible, to be relevant in the industry and what you do. And so that's also something we need to help ourselves and help others to help us to have this sense of well-being.

Alana Muller:
Absolutely. What drove you to get into this field and to engage in this work? Because it's so critical. And I know that you've helped so many people. What was the spark or the thing that drove you to begin your research?

Dr. Jenny Woo:
Yeah, it's so funny that you're focused on relationships, and that really was what drove me to this. And as a little girl who grew up without her parents for five years while living with grandparents and then reuniting with parents, all that good stuff. I would say the early part of my childhood, I wouldn't be where I am today without the deep relationship that I have with my grandmother and my very first teacher. And it was really them that, again, going back to, they made me feel like I was important, I mattered, I [was] valued. And that's where motivation comes in and our employees and our children. You have to help them feel like they matter, and that will motivate them to try harder, to deliver better. And so, that is really the anchoring thing.

And I developed these cards that really help people have better conversations. And I don't want to get into the research, but certainly there are MIT, Harvard- type of research around the impact of the serve-and-return, back and forth conversations have on our brain development and, again, our quality of life.

Alana Muller:
Oh, that's so great. And I like that notion of the serve-and-return. I've not heard that before in this context, but I can picture it. It's such a nice analogy to articulate how people do engage in conversation, and then there's that important back and forth so that both parties are actually part of the experience.

Dr. Jenny Woo:
Absolutely.

Alana Muller:
So, that's great. What's something you're working on now that you're especially excited about?

Dr. Jenny Woo:
Well, personally or professionally?

Alana Muller:
Yes. The answer is yes.

Dr. Jenny Woo:
I am a lifelong learner and also I would say doer. And so, I'm constantly just looking at different ways of translating research or things that I am struggling with that I've found solution into actionable resources for other people. So I guess we are aging, I know you and I were just talking about our kids growing up, and so I've been looking into how to have, just almost biohacking, better quality of life in terms of nutrition, sleep, and all that really important stuff that we tend to sacrifice. Alana Muller: I need you in my life, Jenny, I need you in my life.

Dr. Jenny Woo:
Right. We need accountability partners. Yes. So, that's what I'm working on. And so also personally just nurturing the hobbies and interests that I have, and rock climbing is one that I do with my kids.

Alana Muller:
That is very cool. Where do you go? Do you go indoors or outdoors to do this?

Dr. Jenny Woo:
We've been going indoors, but I have to say I went outdoors for the very first time and loved it.

Alana Muller:
Wow, that's very impressive. I've done a little bit of that, but not a lot. So I'm impressed that you have taken that up as a hobby. Very cool.

Tell me this, do you have a mentor and is there somebody in your life who's had a meaningful impact in your career and personal journey? And is there a particular piece of advice that they've given you?

Dr. Jenny Woo:
I have mentors from various sort of stages and focus, and so I've been in the academia world, the industry, and of course the parenting education world. So certainly mentors from different expertise and experiences that I cherish. As far as a particular advice, I would say from an impactful mentor, something I learned is that it's really hard for us to go 100%, 24/7 at all times continuously. We all need breaks. And, what I learned is it might be better to think of your life in seasons or even in quarters and phases. Where you work really hard, but you have to fall as the harvest where you take a breather, sync up and re-energize and reset. Whereas maybe winter could be an incubation period to just be okay with doing less and slowing down and knowing that something will come out of it. So that's an advice that I really love, especially with the hustle culture and the achievement- focused environment that I had growing up in.

Alana Muller:
What a nice idea. I love that idea of the seasons of our lives. That's very cool. Or even just sort of actually using the seasons of the actual year to kind of recast, reframe all those great things. So that's a neat idea. Very neat. Thank you for sharing that.

There's one question that I end every podcast with, and I'm excited to ask you the question. If you could sit down for a cup of coffee with one person, anybody, living, not living or non-fictional, who would it be and why? Dr. Jenny Woo: Yeah, that's such a powerful question, and I definitely have to go back to the first teacher that I had mentioned. She was instrumental in really shaping my growth mindset and enabling me to just be who I am. She was very emotionally intelligent. And this was in China. I unfortunately lost touch with her after I came over to the United States around the age of 10. She was my first through fourth grade teacher, and she was there when I didn't have my parents, and she took me in and she was like a second mother. And so if I could just see her and tell her where I'm at and see how she's doing, I think that would be really awesome.

Alana Muller:
I hope she gets to hear this, and she would be very proud of you. So I'm just delighted to have had you on the show. So, Dr. Jenny Woo, where can our listeners go to learn more about you and about Mind Brain Emotion?

Dr. Jenny Woo:
Sure. Feel free to visit Mindbrainemotion.com. You can also find me on LinkedIn or @MindBrainParenting, and I also have some YouTube tips, which is at Mind Brain Emotion

Alana Muller:
Wonderful. Dr. Jenny Woo, thank you so much for being on Enterprise.ing Podcast.

Dr. Jenny Woo:
It was a delight. Thank you.

Alana Muller:
Thanks for joining us this week on Enterprise.ing. Be sure to visit our website, enterprisebank.com/podcast to subscribe so you'll never miss an episode. If you found value in today's program, please consider leaving a review on Apple Podcasts or telling a friend about us. Enterprise.ing, powering business leaders one conversation at a time.

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